The Masonics - a winning combination of Milkshakes, Pop Rivets, Slingbacks, Bristols, recording engineers, Micky & Ludellas, TVP's, Headcoats, Easylays, commercial artists, Kravin' "A"s, Armitage Shanks and landscape gardeners. Not bad, seeing as there's only three of them,

Micky Hampshire: vocals & guitar   Liam Watson: bass & backing vocals   Bruce Brand: drums & backing vocals

Having attended the same sacred lodge - the Omnipotent Order of Eccentric Rapscallions (OOER) - together for 25-odd years, our three heroes were united in their cause when they were elected to search the UK for a sacrificial virgin to be deflowered at the sacred dodecacentenial orgy (or 'do' for short).

A 16-year search (during which Micky was mistakenly assumed to be missing, presumed unable to take the pace) yielded nothing. In short, they had no joy, neither on their home turf nor during a brief sojourn to western Europe. (Hence their anticipated presence in the 'promised land'). To lure their prey they hit on the ingenious plan of disguising themselves as a musical 'rock-group', presently very popular among young folk we are led to believe.

Therefore, we urge all parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances and cohorts of any known (or not) unblemished no tails, (irrespective of age, race, creed, cooking-abilities etc.) to attend the soon be announced Masonic gatherings, accompanied by same.

your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.